REJECT.

i wish i was part of it. but fate made it so i wasn't. maybe it's all for the better. i feel so rejected and outcasted. the whole experience seems so fun, enjoyable and self-satisfying, i can just imagine how i would have felt right before the performance, during it, after it, when the results were out. it would have been fantastic. and i know if i had been given the chance to participate, i would have put my whole heart into it. not that im not rejoicing with the team, im still a part of the club and i certainly support the team fully. its just different when youre watching from the sidelines you know? its so horrible that 30 seconds can just change your future for the next 3 months. maybe im not cut out for it, maybe i never was. i dont know what im good for in life anymore. no matter how i try, i cant quite fit into it, one way or another. no matter how much i try to make a change, it never works out for the better. maybe im not trying hard enough. what is 'hard'? ive never been given the chance to experience how competitions felt till this year. i really just dont get it. why doesnt the experience from house performances affect me in any way. so why is it still like this. how resigned to fate should i be?